Sometimes I feel so much despair it makes me feel like I'm not worth anything. For so long I've tried to help others and get self esteem from the help and support I give them that now I don't feel worth anything unless I'm giving all the time. I'm also scared that the person I really am will be horrible and boring and just someone I truly despise ... Now I won't have the constant distraction from myself. My heart is breaking for not having my children with me all the time. I need them. And I'll give them everything for as long as they need me. I suppose if I do end up hating the person I am truly then I guess I can just work in the meantime ... I can get a job when the children aren't with me and give myself to that. To be honest that's kind of the plan.
